Friday, November 5, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do

Before I married handsome husband, some people thought I *might* be addicted to the adrenaline rush of falling in lust. You know, that whole butterfly-in-stomach sensation you get when you're faced with something fresh and exciting - like new "love."

But at some point - in most cases - those butterflies morph into moths, and that fluttering isn't desire, but more like an illness that festers until you realize you and your beloved have nothing in common, his kisses make you go "eww" instead of "aww," the thought of intimacy makes you throw up a little in your mouth...

The rose colored glasses are not just off, but rather smashed on the concrete and ground into the sidewalk.

In the interest of honesty, I admit, I often hit that stage quickly.

While some (*cough - insert ex-boyfriend name here - cough*) blamed the "break-up" on my love of obsession with romance novels back then (I mean, who really can compete with the likes of Jamie from Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, or Roarke from J.D. Robb's In Death series...), I believe now that "some people" may have been right. (Celebrate that admission with a GG & DC, hon.)

After two near-alter experiences, even my husband was a little worried as he waited for me at the end of the aisle last year. But he didn't need to stress - the minute I met him, I knew my addiction was cured.

At least in my personal life.

I haven't quite figured out how to draw the boundary lines when it comes to other affairs of the heart.

You see, I'm an ideas person, and sometimes they spew out of me with utter abandonment. If I've shared it with you, it's because I trust you, and expect you'll share in my joy...even if the lust lasts only a few hours. Because frankly, my excitement begins to wane when the romance gets limp.

I've spent a lot of time these past few months looking at ways to spark the creative fire that when lit, typically blazes out of control. Muse avatar Mondays (you're welcome), Dance Desire, becoming the proud owner of a new-to-me beautiful Mac... And though these tactics were meant to strictly fuel my writerly drive, my idea factory isn't a one-product-shop. Apparently.

Instead, the factory spits out prototypes that stretch my comfort zone and encourage collaboration, commitment...the ability to curb the addiction of falling in lust with a new idea and see it through to the happily ever after.

As I plug through NaNo (6,400 words!), I'm reminded of the many 3-chapter books that lay dormant in my bottom desk drawer. Like many of the prototypes from the idea factory, something turned the butterflies at the start of those stories, into moths. The thought of commitment got scary. Or the idea - story - concept - was somehow diminished by someone, or even myself.

It took a surprising wake-up call today for me to realize that I've invested too much time in relationships, ideas, projects, that are starting to make me throw up a little in my mouth.

I understand now that it's time to break up with them (yes, that means you 3-chapter manuscript, too!) and commit fully to the people, projects and WIPs who will not only work to keep the butterflies active, but who have also vowed to stick it out for richer and poorer, and through sickness and health.

The Book In My Bag Today: Fantasy in Death, J.D. Robb


  1. Ahh mental-monogamy...that's what the blogosphere is for: a much-needed break from those nasty little real-life commitments :p I'll drink a bottle of wine to your break ups tonight, if you toast the news we both got today!!

  2. I will lift a glass of GG and DC hon, but I will do it in honor of your decision and the wiseness in making such a move.
    Roflmao@ 'some people' .. who was I to spurt that off when I was an ex-"cough" harlequin reader?
    Yeah, ok.. I called it right, I concede. :-P

    Having said this, however, I can't even begin to fantom where you get your brilliant ideas from. You have one of the best creative minds I know ( thus the complexity of your stories and the ability to pull it off in your writings) and you can see the bigger picture. It's always a shame when one can not see the possibilities within the scope of your ideas, big or small.
    Life goes on, new ideas, adventures await.

    And I'm in, till death do us part.

  3. While focusing our ideas and creative drive is a much needed skill, never lose your ability to lust and dream... It is what makes you so special.

    (from one scattered dreamer, ideas person, slightly insane at times woman to another).

    PS Thanks for the brilliant coffee date MWAH!

  4. Hi Dawn,

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful and honest insights. It is a good feeling when you realise just where your priorities are.

    By the way, I clicked the Absolution tab a few days ago and loved it. Great writing and very exciting. It was a real pleasure to read

    Hope you're well

  5. Cheers, MEAGHAN.

    JAMIE, you sometimes leave me speechless. THIS is one of those times. Thank you. <3

    JESS, figures you're pick up on the slightly insane part :-P Yes, coffee was enlightening. Thanks.

    VAL - what an amazing comment to wake up to Sunday morning. Thank you - and for reading Absolution. *blush* Have an awesome week. xo

  6. It is sad when we have to leave some of those darlings behind, isn't it? But definitely better in the long run.

  7. I loved this post, and I can totally relate to you. I think revision is posion to my relationship with my MS( Currently under my 10th revision!) Oh boy, are we gonna make it? I hope so...=)

  8. Wow. That's pretty profound. I can feel both the butterflies and that throw up in the mouth feeling. Neither are good.

    Good for you. Excellent plan.

  9. ROCKSTAR - I KNOW you know what I'm talking about here. xo

    CLARA - Thank you. I know what you mean about the revision Poison. We need to just find the antidote. You'll survive - and I'm rooting for you over here.

    Thanks, SUZANNE. <3

  10. teehee--what a great analogy--it works for me too, though I am as opposite from you as can be about both topics.

    I am a Cancer--anyone EVER in my life is ALWAYS in my life (thus my inability to let go of even the stupidest project--don't you see what potential it has!?) fortunately, I don't get bogged down in all that monogamy crap--a couple at a time? A-okay by me! Especially if I can do the serial exclusives... this one for a while, then this one for a while... (my marriage never would have happened if hubby wasn't content with me being friends with all my exes)

    I hope the transition works! (you can put those three chapters is a drawer, but don't get rid of them entirely--you may have a moment of nostalgia and decide to rekindle the romance)

  11. HART - I tried the "friend-with-exes" thing. My hubby no likey :-P I do, however, work on several manuscripts at a time. I just need to learn to curb the extra stuff I do for others that takes away from what I do for me...without becoming super bitch :-D

  12. Wow Dawn!

    Great post. I'm glad our critique meetings don't make you want to throw up in your mouth! :D

  13. Nah, DONNA, crit still gives me butterflies :-D