Friday, July 16, 2010

The Dawn of EROTICA (uh, not the genre)

I might as well lay it out there: I bought this. The Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease DVD. Actually, I bought the whole series. The day it came out in Canada.

More accurately, I stalked its release.

Back then I *might* have had a bit of a girl crush on Carmen Electra, or maybe it was her then girly-yet-hot husband, Dave Navarro. Regardless, I had a resolve - to play and replay Carmen's DVDs until I, too, could slither like a stripper, in the comfort of my living room, of course.

(I love myself, I want you to love me. When I feel down, I want you above me)

Wait! Not yet, E.

So anyway, Carmen's DVDs just didn't do it for me - and I promptly forgot all illusions of dirty-ish dancing.

Until Jessica introduced me to her Naughty Hotties.

(I search myself, I want you to find me. I forget myself, I want you to remind me)

E! Shhh... We're not ready yet.

Carmen Electra has nothing on Jessica. With her new red-hot hair, the gorgeous Juicy J led a room full of women in several degrees of comfort through a series of sultry, sexy moves. Naughty Hotties is all about confidence, and Juicy J is certainly not lacking there. It was all I could do not to gasp during even the warm up - no WAY my hips could move like that, right?

Maybe. But my alter ego is considerably more liberal.

(I close my eyes, and see you before me. Think I would die if you were to ignore me)

Sigh. Alright, Erotica, come on out.

(I don't want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself)


Erotica is my Naughty Hotties alter ego - or, my stripper name. The name generators on the Internet spit out several options in various shades of ridiculous (sorry, Megs, I simply could not go with Mimi Glitzy-Thighs and Double D was taken). I consulted with my friend Rita, who suggested I look for a literary connect. How awesome is Erotica? (Well, some, like Tielle St. Clare's work, is, but I've read some choppy stuff. Heck, I've written some questionable erotica...But I digress.)

So, who is Erotica?

Right now she's a rough character sketch, a blank page of mystery. Last night she wore a long, black t-shirt - which she won't be wearing again. Too hot - and not in a naughty way. Erotica took tentative first steps from the shadows of the back row, but by the end of the night, had hip checked a little more sexy into her dance (I use the term loosely as a whole lot of Dawn remains prominent) and, um, "performed" for her peers. She hung out with hotties like Dangerous D, and *almost* memorized a short routine to a Britney Spears song.

(I don't want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself)

And yeah. She touches herself. *cough* Not in a crotch-grabbing hip hop way, but more of a seductive S-curve kind of motion. 

No whiskey required!

Erotica and I laughed last night. A lot. But we also got our first taste of something truly special Jessica's studio embodies. Naughty Hotties is not about exploitation, but rather empowerment, and discovering how amazing a woman's body can be - and how it CAN move. Jessica has created a safe environment where me and Erotica can learn about each other - and have fun.

Last night wasn't about the steps, because clearly Erotica has the same directional challenges I mentioned yesterday. Instead, "we" focussed on letting go of some fear.

How amazing to have found a place within J'Adore Dance to do that. I can hardly wait for the Lady Marmalade chair routine.

The Book In My Bag Today: Kindred in Death, J.D. Robb


  1. Um, it was Mimi Glitter-Thighs...but regardless, how AWESOME are you??? Self-deprecating humour and directional challenges aside, the confidence I see bubbling up inside of you is so incredible!! This will be so much more than a fitness journey, and I love that you are willing to share it so openly. Xoxo

  2. Megs - crap. I so COULD have gone with Mimi Glitter-Thighs. It was definitely the "glitzy" holding me back :-) Yes, it's absolutely more than a fitness journey and I DO feel some changes with respect to confidence and stuff. (Though, it will be a LONG time before anyone outside of the studio sees me dance.) It's fun - but also important - for me to share. I need the accountability. Thank you for your support. xo

  3. You're so funny! I have to admit, I have the strip aerobics DVD too:/

  4. Candy - I'm laughing as I read your comment because I was JUST thinking: hmmm. How many of my friends will admit they too own Carmen's DVD? Thanks for coming clean :-)

  5. It was a great time last night I love being able to let my inner hottie out!

  6. Anonymous - I agree! Even better to do it within the safety of new friends :-)

  7. Wow, that`s so interesting! It is really nice to discover our power, in all ways!
    Erotica is a cool name, but I prefer Mimi. Actually, I think I just found my future child`s name. May I take it? lol

  8. Clara - Of course you may take it :-) May your Mimi be empowered...

  9. Ahhh Carmen, a sexpot you are, a dance teacher you are not. I think a lot of women bought that dvd with the same hopes (I'll admit I was one of them).
    It was so nice to meet Erotica last night! She has the potential to be one femme fatal! I don't think most women realize how much they need a little Naughty in their life, but it does wonders in so many aspects other then the bedroom. I agree that Erotica needs to rethink her wardrobe. Tell Dawn to stop being such a prude ;)

  10. OMG...doing this in front of others while sober? I'm having a panic attack from waaaaaaaaaay over here.

  11. Juicy J - Erotica is a FAST learner. Thinking wardrobe... Also practicing in the mirror. MUCH less daunting in my OWN mirror. I completely agree with you - not enough women realize how they need a little Naughty in their life.

    Vicki - I hear ya...but it turned out ok. This is a VERY supportive environment. Someday my husband might even see it. LOL

  12. It gets easier and more fun every single week once you become fully aware that no one is judging you at all...and having fun is the sexiest thing, not perfect hip swirls (although those are nice too)

  13. Sounds like fun....But I'd be too distracted by the sound of my fleshy parts slapping together. Ugh! Not sexy.

  14. Way to go girl!!! So proud of you for shaking your inner Erotica on the dance floor!!! Xoxo! Keep going and I think for Christmas I will buy you a stripper pole for your home! <3

  15. Anonymous - good to know! No problem having's just those hip thingies :-)

    Donna - nah, I thought that too. But you can't hear anything over the music, Jessica's cheerleading and fellow sexpots laughing. Honest.

    Karen, if Jeff didn't ALREADY love you, he will after he reads THAT comment. <3

  16. Hooray for supplemental personas, especially naughty ones! I'm a new follower from Parajunkee's Following Friday. Thanks for the heads up on Carmen's DVD.

    Beach Wives' Diaries

  17. Haha.

    I can't do any type of exercise DVD. I don't take it seriously for some reason.

  18. imagine the poor sap who types the words "" into google and comes this page comes up! not that i don't believe for a second you have a talent for writing erotica, as you quite vividly paint a picture of the naughty hotties class!

    glad you're having fun, and that you have such a great group of gals to work out with!

  19. Westie - Welcome! And thanks... *scoots over to check out your blog*

    WW - It IS hard to take Carmen seriously when most of the DVD is devoted to her laugh or her pout. Sigh.

    Mi - That would explain the awesome range of geographical views on this post ;-) LOL

  20. Hilarious use of Divinyls lyrics!

    You are so badass. I applaud you and your gutsy naughty self.

    I'd be scared to death. You go!

  21. LOL@Suzanne. You KNEW my lyrics :-) I've loved that song FOREVER. Fun to use it this way. I truly wish you (and Tally) lived here to dance with me.

  22. I totally love that class! And I miss it! It makes you feel sexy (particularly when NOT looking at the mirror) :) ....for you...I get tired of just being a mom,wife,friend. I forgett that I am a WOMAN and it's fun every once in awhile to act like it.

  23. T n A Turnon - are you planning to take the class in the fall? We all nee to feel sexy from time to time :-)