Open letter to Santa

Dear Handsome Husband Santa,

There are but a few precious weeks before Christmas day, and though I said I didn't really *need* any presents, there's a few items that have recently caught my attention. 

Of all people (and maybe a few others), you know I've been in a bit of a writing rut. My creative juices seem to be sucked dry by the day job, I've traded reading for online poker (not real money, Santa, I'm just a newbie), and despite selecting the hottest muses, I find myself staring more and more at that blank page. Or worse, not at the page at all.

Could it be that I'm lacking the *right* tools? 

I love my beautiful dungeon office with its fish tanks and its candles, and I appreciate the well stocked supply of Coke Zero (and occasional whiskey). But I seem to be missing my traditional munchies. Oh, I know all about the Big Turk pieces in the kitchen pantry, and the roll of Sweethearts left beside the bed, but to produce (I mean, REALLY, produce) I need gummy bears.

I know it doesn't appear like much of a gift, but with respect, Santa, maybe you aren't looking at it from the right creative angle. Like...how about this? Now that's a present worth writing about!

Ok, so maybe you're concerned about those 12,000 calories - how sweet of you to care about my expanding waistline (jerk). This amazing morsel of goodness is a THIRD of the calories. Not to mention the bonding opportunities over, uh, fishing.

While I'm at it, forgive me for going all Susie Homemaker but I think I could get excited about THIS. And this gem would be sure to spike my "naughtiness" status. (Mind out of the gutter, Santa.)

So how about it, big guy? Do I make the list? I'll sit on your knee (again!)...

PS - For realz, what I REALLY want is anything from here. But then, you already knew that.

The Book In My Bag Today: Going Bovine, Libba Bray