Thursday, July 22, 2010

Dawn of the Dead (er) - The Dance Remix


SUE and DAWN arrive at J'Adore dance studio fifteen minutes before Salsa Burn class. DAWN is wearing a bright pink shirt and leggings. She smiles while watching the Pilates class finish their stretching. SUE is not wearing pink. Nor is she smiling. Aside from Sue's dark mood, the studio is bright and cool.

DAWN: (points to cover of Men's Health Magazine featuring Kellan Lutz): Hot!
SUE: The next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant (expletive) Mark Twain (expletive). Cause it's definitely going on your tombstone.
DAWN: (looking surprised): Really? You can't still be mad at me for dragging you to last week's class. That's crazy!
SUE: (stands and whispers in Dawn's ear): We all go a little mad sometimes... Haven't you?

(Cut to previous night's Dance Hall montage. Cue Rihanna music. Dawn glimpses sight of herself in mirror. Shudders. Fade out.)

Perky, blonde Salsa instructor KASHA takes to the floor and immediately launches into Latin dance warm-up. DAWN smiles as the steps appear to come more naturally than previous weeks. SUE is not smiling.

SUE: 1, 2, "Sue" is coming for you...
DAWN: (mops sweat off brow with the back of her hand) Coming? Coming where? To class next week? Awesome! I knew you'd love it.
SUE: 3, 4, better lock the door
DAWN: (squats and sways hips side to side): Didn't you hear the beep? We locked the car doors.
SUE: 5, 6, grab your crucifix
DAWN: (circles hips around, and around...) No, I'm ok. I'm sore from Dance Hall last night but not quite begging for help from a higher power. (pops hips side, front, side, and back) How are you feeling?
SUE: 7, 8, Better stay up late.
DAWN: (pops chest to the front, to the back, to the front) Are you kidding? I'm traveling 12 hours tomorrow. Early to bed for me.
SUE: 9, 10 never sleep again.
DAWN: (finished warm up and takes a long drink) Nah. I can't do all nighters anymore. Getting too old.


KASHA turns up the volume on the stereo and begins Salsa movements. DAWN seems to be keeping up with the steps that have become more natural now. Twilight descends over the studio. (Nobody sparkles.)

DAWN: (whispers to Natalie in row ahead) I'm so sore from Dance Hall. (Natalie smiles and nods. Her reply is drowned out by the music.) I wasn't sure I could get out of bed after that workout. I almost cried.
SUE: No tears please. It's a waste of good suffering.

KASHA hands floor over to MEL who announces she will be leading the class through some random steps in time with the World Cup theme song by Shakira. DAWN smiles - she secretly longs to *be* Shakira. (Cut to Shakira dance montage. Fade back to studio.) MEL introduces four new steps - they look fun. They are not easy. SUE fixes DAWN with murderous glare.

DAWN: (shrugs) Let's give it a try. Should be challenging, right?
SUE: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
DAWN: (shaky laugh) Uh, good one.

Shakira song ends. Class claps and compliments MEL on her improvisation. KASHA launches into Cha Cha steps.

DAWN: Nobody puts baby in a corner.
SUE: che che che che, ha ha ha. Che che che, che, ha, ha , ha
DAWN: I love how I'm starting to understand this. It's an amazing workout when you're actually doing it.
SUE: che che, che, che. Ha, ha, ha.
DAWN: (frowning at mirror) But I still don't think I'm doing the arms right.
SUE: Che, che, che, che. Ha, ha, ha.
DAWN: Are you saying something? It's not "ha" - it's CHA.
SUE: che che, che, che, ha, ha, CHA.

KASHA completes several Latin dance routines. DAWN is proud of the relative fluidity of her hip movements, and has even tried timing the arms. Her chest is slightly puffed out with pride. Sweat is pouring from her skin. She has almost polished off her second bottle of water. With 15 minutes left in class, she is confident she will survive the night. KASHA announces she will lead two intense exercise moves before stretching. One will focus on the abdominals. The other on the glutes. SUE fixes DAWN with a murderous glare.

SUE: (grins, though not in a happy way, but more in a Jack Nicholson, Shining, way): What an excellent day for an exorcism.
DAWN: (grunting through first full song of ab crunch things) I am so glad you're going to do something about that attitude. I know you're having fun! Go ahead, exorcise that gloom away.

(Cut to montage of fun things. Like hot baths. Chocolate. Stopping to smell the flowers.)


SUE and DAWN stagger toward SUE'S locked vehicle. DAWN is sore and sweaty, but she is smiling.

DAWN: So, any premonitions?
SUE: I see dead people.
DAWN: (scans the parking lot. Waves to new dance friends.) Where? Here?
SUE fixes DAWN with murderous glare.
DAWN: Oh! Me! You still want to kill me?
SUE: (grins) Be afraid. Be very afraid.

To be continued....

The Book In My Bag Today: Kindred in Death, J.D. Robb


  1. heehee!
    (nobody sparkles) - i guffawed on that one!

  2. Bwahhaha! "Nobody sparkles" it :)

    See?? I knew it would get better! You're doing great! And, you know, you totally make my Wednesday-through-Friday mornings that much more worthwhile ;)

  3. Too funny. I think its great that you're enjoying these classes although Sue sounds like my kind of girl ;)

  4. This is your funniest post yet! I love it <3

  5. Mi - love to make you guffaw :-P

    Meaghan - awww. Thanks. *blushes* You and Jess likely have bets to see how long I'll last :-)

    Jaydee - I AM enjoying the classes. Made more fun by having Sue threatening me all the time...

    Thanks, Donna. LyaWBPuFY <3

  6. You're too funny! I needed this today!

  7. Aww Candy. I'm glad it brought a smile. Thinking of you.

  8. OMG!!! You have no idea how proud I am of you!!! I LOVE this blog!!! I think I'm going to stick it on my desktop at I look at it and gloat about how knowledgable my BF is about horror movies!! If I was there I'd give you a high five both for the workout and the quotes!!

    LOVE YA!!! *insert high five here*

  9. Ah, Karen! I KNEW you'd get the references. It took me forever to find quotes from movies for Sue's dialogue. I was going to challenge you to find them all but decided to link instead. So happy to have made you proud. xoxo Love ya *high five back*

  10. So did you go home a take the Percocet with the Whiskey chaser?? ;) I'm having a hard time moving today.. Numb bum is right.

    You're doing AWESOME!

    Natalicious ;)

  11. I can't tell me how much it means to me to be to talk like a horror movie..... :)
    Everytime I click on my name a different show appears and I have never seen any of them....
    BTW...the threats are justified....I think Kasha'a mission is to do us all in and the fact that she is always smiling & enjoying what she is doing to us make me want to hurt are the closes...I pick you! LOL

  12. Hahahaha..... you were intentionally oblivious weren't you? Admit it. Don't you think that just makes it worse?

  13. Word verification: Smenita. Smendrick's fraternal twin sister.

  14. Hahahahahahaha omg I LOVED Sue! lol

    12, Sue is coming for you...

  15. Natalicious, so awesome of you to drop by. I DID have whiskey. No percocet though. Glad to know I'm not alone in my pain. I'll miss you at Naughty Hotties tonight.

    Sue - I am thankful I will be away this weekend. Your "murderous glare" haunts me even while I sleep.

    RT - I love playing the part of "stupid movie person" :-) That's the character I always scream at when watching bad horror movies.

    Clara - Yes, Sue is definitely a scream :-)

  16. "grins, though not in a happy way, but more in a Jack Nicholson, Shining, way"

    Of course I suddenly started seeing Jack in my head. You are a riot. :)

  17. Thanks Crimey! Twas a fun post to write :-)

  18. When you can suck in your readers in a script format such as this, it speaks on your writing talent.
    Kudos, Ms Ius. You rocked this one. I don't think I'll ever picture Sue the same way again. LOL ;-)

    *ducks from Sue's smack to the back of my head*

  19. So I'm here because I saw a comment you left on Crimogenic which was great advice. I guess that makes me your newest follower.

    Nice ta meet ya!

  20. Jamie - She's nice - honest! LOL Thank you. Your compliments mean so much. xo

    Hi Matthew! Nice to meet you. Thanks for the follow. Will check out your blog and follow you back.

  21. Poor Sue. Of course, she DID go with you last week so she KINDA knew what she was in for. Love your dialogue, though. Cracked me up it did!

  22. i'm your newest follower.. :P

  23. I am visiting on a great day!!! I am following from over at Jaydee Morgans blog and I loved it!!!

    Sue sounds like my kind of girl and I loved what you've done, you had me cracking up!!!

    PS it looks like we have a ton of the same blog buddies!!! Glad to finally meet!

  24. How did I miss this yesterday? Oh yes I was busy being beaten by a random 3 year old in a dance class (the hazards of this job I tell ya!).

    I am coming to Salsa Burn on next Wednesday and can't wait to meet Sue (as long as she promises not to inflict bodily harm on me LOL).

    And Yes Sue, Kasha is just awful the way she smiles and bubbles while inflicting endless torture. One of the reasons I hired her, she looks so sweet and yet is deadly.

  25. Not only are you becoming a good dancer and getting an awesome workout, you've gained fantastic writing material. This post is hilarious!

  26. Vicki, I am thrilled you got a chuckle.

    Welcome, yogurt! I appreciate the follow.

    Jen, so glad to have met you as well. Thank you for stopping by.

    Jess - sweet and deadly. Yup. That sums up Kasha. Looking forward to seeing you Wednesday at Salsa Burn :-)

    Thanks Suzanne. My plan is working - I'm learning to dance AND opening up the creativity a bit. My brain has been a blocked lately.

  27. Well I just read this for the first time! That was my mission as soon as I got home..must find Dawn and Sue *MUAHAHAHAHAHAH* that evil enough for you?? I must say I've never been scripted like a horror movie before! :D Big smiles to go with the burn..hope you had fun and hope you're feeling it tomorrow! Thanks for a great class!

  28. Kasha - you definitely sound evil! (And since I endure you're weekly torture, I can attest that you ARE evil). Despite this, I adore you and your class - and though I burn, boy do I burn, I have plenty of fun :-)

  29. So happy to hear that Dawn! Yes the work-out is important but the fun is so important as long as you're having fun keep burnin' up the floor! I love reading what you creative! Who else is that creative after an intense class..I'm pretty sure my brain shuts off completely! Like now..ha ha! Great to see you tonight for some Naughty Hottie!;) Have a fantastic long weekend!

  30. Kasha - there's a reason I write the next morning. The first few minutes after class are spent trying to get up off the floor. Then I spend a few seconds giving myself the "you will live" pep talk, followed by the "yes, you can drive home" mantra. This is followed by a HOT bath (since I end up being a HOT mess) and if I'm lucky, a short back rub by my husband. I immediately fall asleep :-) Hope you enjoy your weekend. Hugs.