Wednesday, October 20, 2010
How long until your guilt-o-meter starts ticking?
On any given week, I've got at least four projects on the go. Big projects - like novels, or a cross stitch (yes, a cross stitch!), or a new proposal of some sort.
This in addition to my long To-Do list. The kind that is never fully realized because I add a few new things a day. Like making cookies for handsome hubby, or washing the dogs, or organizing the hall closet...
I'm not whining. Truthfully, I accept this "take on everything" attitude as one of my many character flaws. My family accepts it as well, and when I'm not racing around doing something, my husband and stepdaughter are scratching their heads wondering if I'm ok.
I haven't been ok for the last week-ish. A massive head cold left me bed ridden for two whole days where I could not read, or write - heck, I could barely breathe. By the third day, I could keep my eyes open for long enough to finish reading a book and start another. I even wrote a blog post.
I took those three days in stride, accepting that my superwoman cape was at the dry cleaners and I had no choice but to suck it up. No choice but to relax. Handsome hubby fed me chicken noodle soup. Awesome stepdaughter made me smoothies. I caught up on soap operas. And only thought about what I should be doing once....or twice.
But it's day four now and I'm still feeling like crap.
The guilt-o-meter kicked in about midnight last night. Which is when I realized there was a pile of laundry in the corner of my bedroom. Which made me think about the two bathrooms that could use some TLC since my Sunday routine was interrupted by the cold. Which of course reminded me that the carpets needed vacuuming.
As expected, my mind didn't stop stressing over unfinished housework. It moved on to the day job(s) tasks sitting in wait, coupled with a few contract assignments that are creeping up on deadline. I thought about the cross stitch I'm trying to finish for my stepmom for Christmas, and how I promised my stepdaughter I'd help her with a short story she has to write.
And finally, I started thinking about my writing.
As I wrote the e-mail to my boss this morning explaining that I simply couldn't muster up the energy to make it in quite yet, that guilt etched up my throat and gave me a stomach ache of extraordinary proportions. I *should* be at work. And if not at work, shouldn't I be puttering around the house tidying, or better yet, cleaning with purpose?
The To-Do list started small, a few things to curb the guilt (like make cookies), but in 10 minutes it morphed into something massive - a glaring reminder of everything I'm missing by not being healthy. Not just work, and writing and house cleaning, but...dance! All three classes today...
Alas, it would take a miracle for me to feel well enough to attend dance tonight - and even if I did feel better, guilt wouldn't allow me to leave the house.
Instead, I'm sipping on orange juice, eating chicken noodle soup and staring at a To-Do list just keeps growing and....
Sigh. Ok. Maybe I am whining a little.
How about you? How many days can you stay home sick before you start stressing about what isn't getting done? And how do you curb the feeling of guilt?