Thursday, September 23, 2010

Oh, Kasha, how I have (bleeping) missed thee...

... let me count the ways.

8 - number of times I cursed you during Salsa Burn warm-up
22 - number of times I cursed you during Salsa Burn workout
3 - number of times I cursed you while learning that hop-up step we did NOT do last session
8 - number of times I cursed you climbing the stairs to bed last night
11 - number of times I cursed you climbing crawling out of bed this morning
17 - number of muscles cursing you today (the majority of them located in my butt from that blasted NUMB BUMB thing you do)
4 - number of buckets of sweat I expended in an hour and fifteen minutes of your class
15 - number of times I cursed Jessica (and J'Adore Dance ) for introducing me to this torture in the first place
3 - number of bottles of water I downed when I dragged my numb bumb home
1 - number of bags of chocolate covered raisins I felt justified in eating when I got home from your class
2 - number of voodoo dolls I have currently fashioned after your likeness (I'm carrying one in my purse right now)
6 - the number of days until you can torture me again
0 - the number of times I mocked myself in the mirror last night

100% = truthfully, how much better I feel after going to dance class last night.

Okay, so I admit, after the summer dance sessions, it's been tough for me to go back.

I loved dance - Salsa, Fit Hop, Naughty Hotties. J'adore Dance is inspiring, Jessica is brilliant, and the rest of the J'Adore team welcome me (and everyone) with open arms.

But I started this dance journey for so many reasons. The most public reason was to kick start my creativity after a dry spell of non-writing. Dance definitely helped with that - and in future posts, I'll better describe how.

What I didn't realize, though, is that my confidence and self esteem had hit rock bottom. Despite my amazing husband and stepdaughter, and a cast of remarkable friends, I'd let a lot of adult "bullies" bring me down. (That too, is for another post.) In the past, I've used boxing to release some of that pent up frustration. Jessica offered me an alternative.

Over the summer, I witnessed so many changes in myself through dance. I lost weight (not a ton, but enough to widen my perspectives on fitness), I gained confidence, I even starting finding a beat.

So why did it take me so long to find it again?

I could use life as an excuse, but really, I think after the summer, I allowed a series of small setbacks dictate how to spend my time.

Up until the minute I stepped on the dance floor, I questioned whether I should return. But then I found my place at the back of the room, and there was Kasha, all smiles and energy, and I felt that pop of my heart. The sound of things settling into place.

I may not "belong" on the dance floor, but I do belong at J'Adore Dance. I just needed the break to recognize that. Hopefully that makes sense. (And hopefully I feel that way after Fit Hop tonight...)

The Book In My Bag Today: Dead After Dark, Charlaine Harris


  1. Everyone belongs on the dance floor. We just tend to let ourselves believe otherwise. I'm sorry I've missed you this week - Leith has been working super-super late! Rotten husbands ;) But next week, oh next week! You better not miss me then!! xo

  2. Megs - are you not going to Fit Hop tonight? I admit, I did watch for you last night. Looking forward to seeing you next week. xo

  3. Dawn,
    Two left feet?? Looks like you procured your righty and both are in full operational order. :-) <3

  4. Awesome tribute to a killer dance teacher!

  5. You are my inspiration...but it'll still be awhile before I get my sorry hiney on the dance floor.

  6. Jamie - that's sweet, but I KNOW you couldn't have seen that because you were watching your fine self work it on the dance floor beside me :-)

    Thanks, Jan. Next time you're in Edmonton, you should check out the class with me...

    Vicki - awww. Thanks. Come visit - I'll take you!

  7. So glad you're back to it! It sounds just fabulous. That is one of the things I miss about being a student--in both college and grad school I signed up for classes for credit so I HAD TO go, because I always loved it once I was there, but it was SO HARD getting myself to go!

  8. Hart - J'Adore Dance is a fabulous place, with amazing people - but it's truly Jessica (the owner) who inspires me to keep going. In some ways, it IS like being in college because I do feel as though I NEED to go, if not only for myself but also to curb the guilt of letting Jess down.

  9. Awe this blog gave me warm fuzzies! So glad you missed us, we missed you very much! You bring the smiles lady you rock! xo

  10. Kasha - I love how you keep smiling even as I curse you. Hugs.

  11. I guilt only because I am now a loving mother LOL! It comes with the territory. But mother guilt comes from knowing the beautiful potential you see in someone and not allowing them to NOT reach it!

    Can't wait to see you and Erotica on Monday :)