Thursday, September 23, 2010
Oh, Kasha, how I have (bleeping) missed thee...
8 - number of times I cursed you during Salsa Burn warm-up
22 - number of times I cursed you during Salsa Burn workout
3 - number of times I cursed you while learning that hop-up step we did NOT do last session
8 - number of times I cursed you climbing the stairs to bed last night
11 - number of times I cursed you climbing crawling out of bed this morning
17 - number of muscles cursing you today (the majority of them located in my butt from that blasted NUMB BUMB thing you do)
4 - number of buckets of sweat I expended in an hour and fifteen minutes of your class
15 - number of times I cursed Jessica (and J'Adore Dance ) for introducing me to this torture in the first place
3 - number of bottles of water I downed when I dragged my numb bumb home
1 - number of bags of chocolate covered raisins I felt justified in eating when I got home from your class
2 - number of voodoo dolls I have currently fashioned after your likeness (I'm carrying one in my purse right now)
6 - the number of days until you can torture me again
0 - the number of times I mocked myself in the mirror last night
100% = truthfully, how much better I feel after going to dance class last night.
Okay, so I admit, after the summer dance sessions, it's been tough for me to go back.
I loved dance - Salsa, Fit Hop, Naughty Hotties. J'adore Dance is inspiring, Jessica is brilliant, and the rest of the J'Adore team welcome me (and everyone) with open arms.
But I started this dance journey for so many reasons. The most public reason was to kick start my creativity after a dry spell of non-writing. Dance definitely helped with that - and in future posts, I'll better describe how.
What I didn't realize, though, is that my confidence and self esteem had hit rock bottom. Despite my amazing husband and stepdaughter, and a cast of remarkable friends, I'd let a lot of adult "bullies" bring me down. (That too, is for another post.) In the past, I've used boxing to release some of that pent up frustration. Jessica offered me an alternative.
Over the summer, I witnessed so many changes in myself through dance. I lost weight (not a ton, but enough to widen my perspectives on fitness), I gained confidence, I even starting finding a beat.
So why did it take me so long to find it again?
I could use life as an excuse, but really, I think after the summer, I allowed a series of small setbacks dictate how to spend my time.
Up until the minute I stepped on the dance floor, I questioned whether I should return. But then I found my place at the back of the room, and there was Kasha, all smiles and energy, and I felt that pop of my heart. The sound of things settling into place.
I may not "belong" on the dance floor, but I do belong at J'Adore Dance. I just needed the break to recognize that. Hopefully that makes sense. (And hopefully I feel that way after Fit Hop tonight...)
The Book In My Bag Today: Dead After Dark, Charlaine Harris